Deryck Guyler

The Metaliens, alien robots intent on galactic domination, encounter a major setback. Their enormous Space Saucer, 'Compromise', enters a black hole in a strange, uncharted region of Space, and collides with another craft – sending the Kleptonite Ball, their precious cargo and the key to Universal Conquest, hurtling to a planet inhabited by primitive life forms: Earth. Having materialised in a bar, the Ball variously functions as a Christmas tree decoration, a bathroom ornament, and a fortune-teller's prop. The Metaliens must retrieve the Kleptonite Ball if their mission is ever to succeed. And that's when their problems really begin…

Classic short British comedy, full of stars, about two workmen delivering planks to a building site. This is done with music and a sort of "wordless dialogue" which consists of a few mumbled sounds to convey the appropriate emotion. TV remake of the 1967 short.

The original 1979 documentary that introduced the world to Bolton steeplejack Fred Dibnah as he goes about his death-defying job demolishing or repairing factory chimneys, steeples and towers.

Escaping from China with a microfilm of the formula for the mysterious "Lotus X", Lord Southmere, a Queen's Messenger, is chased by a group of Chinese spies.

Barry McKenzie's Aunt Edna is kidnapped by Count Von Plasma, the vampire head of an isolated Eastern European dictatorship who mistakes her for the Queen of England and thinks that kidnapping her will draw tourists to his country. Barry and his mates set out to rescue her and bring her back to Australia.

Christmas pantomime presentation of Aladdin, starring the cast of Crackerjack

A porn-store owner orders some new stuff from his supplier, but the delivery address gets mixed with the address of the local Barclays Bank. Here, David (the bank's assistant manager) and his new wife are shocked when photos, then films and finally two girls are sent to them in their bank-supplied flat. They and the bank's head cashier then hatch a plan to get rid of the porn—without letting their boss, the local police and David's mother in on what is happening.

Concert footage from Wings' 1972/73 European tour combine with the animated antics of a family of mice living beneath the venue's stage.

Mr. Hedges, the somewhat naive and idealistc teacher of the rebellious Class 5C, lobbies to have them allowed on the school camping trip despite much precedent to the contrary. Once on the camping trip Mr. Hedges pursues the local barmaid and the class indulge in their usual activities. A small feud with some stereotypical upper class children in red blazers is resolved with a false rape allegation. A case of some stolen money is resolved through Mr. Hedges trusting the class. At the final dance Mr. Hedges is ensnared in the romantic clutches of Miss Cutforth, contrary to his wishes.

A pair of irreverent shorts. In "Masks," a sad man hides behind a happy mask. In "Happenings," a bored man stands around waiting for something to happen.